Hey,
Kiddies,DON'T TAKE
CANDY FROM STRANGERS
101
Delicious
Coffee Desserts
SAVE THOUSANDS $$$
THIS YEAR! Get Yours NOW.
Having spent tens of thousands of dollars
over the years for dental care, I have reached the point where I
am ready to explode and shout,
Enough Already!
Despite donating all that money to the wealth and luxury living
of my dentist, my front teeth are stained by a brownish-yellow
hue, perfect for a bloke content with making a living as the
"Before" model in an ad to promote tartar removing tooth paste.
Mind you, I do not smoke or drink, except when trying to figure
out how to pay the latest bill from my dentist. That is when
several double shots of cognac, taken while enjoying the
unimpeded flow of full-strength Nitrous Oxide for an hour or so
really hit the spot!
Of course, the "whitening" procedure is always an option,
provided one has a few superfluous thousand-dollar bills
cluttering up one's wall safe or bank deposit box. If not, the
next best choice is to smile sparingly, which is becoming easier
and easier now that Democrats hold majorities in both chambers
of Congress and two far left socialists are running for
president.
All my misgivings about dentists notwithstanding, I do make it a
point to subject myself to an annual dental examination. I do so
just to stay abreast of my dying teeth and the various and
sundry bridges, fillings, and other dental "necessities"
installed to assure a robust Return on Investment for my
dentist.
Every year the story is the same: Go for my annual examination
and, when the results are in, cancel all vacation and pleasure
outings for the year in order to pay the damned dentist!
This year I decided to do things a little differently: I bribed
the night janitor to let me take a peek at my file just to see
what was actually being recorded about me and my decadent mouth
by my so-called dental care professional.
Here is how my dentist documented my examination, by tooth
number:
# 7: Re-carpet family room
#12: Julie's abortion
# 32: Next year--Plasma TV for 2009 Jaguar
The not so good doc summarized the mess with this dilly:
Doctor's Executive Summary:
Mr. Lillpop's overall dental health continues to deteriorate
significantly from one year to the next. With a bit of good
luck, we should be able to get Paul through Stanford before
patient Lillpop dies or runs out of money.
Receptionist note: Give patient my brother's (loan agent) name
and number. If all goes well, Lillpop will need a Home Equity
Line of Credit to pay for my services next year. Also, ask bro
about my referral fee.
Well, that does it! No more dentists for me. I am going to yank
all of my teeth in one grand gesture and buy false teeth.
No more brushing! Or flossing! Or cleaning! Or insurance claim
rejections!
False teeth: Taking a
bite out of the crime called professional dentistry!
John W. Lillpop
|
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a
Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At a
Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a
Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another
Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************
On a Church's
Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire
Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing
company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a
Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity
Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an
Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come
to the right place."
**************************
On a
Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment."
**************************
Outside a
Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a
Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a
Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed
up."
**************************
In the front
yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't
forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator
Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."************************************
|
|
|
Saw a billboard that said:
"Need help??? Call Jesus. 1-800-005-3787"
Out of curiosity I called.
Out of curiosity I called.
A Mexican with a tow
truck showed up.